Solved: Re: Writing Workshop Follow Up

mtraub · ‎05-05-2011

Thanks to everyone who came out (/tuned in) to my Writing Workshop last night! As promised, let's keep those pens a-scrawlin'.

If you have any shop writing you'd like feedback on, feel free to link or post it in this thread. I'll be checking back in and sharing my thoughts, but I encourage all of you to give feedback as well!

And if you missed the workshop, you can find a recording of it on our Livestream channel: http://www.livestream.com/etsy/video?clipId=pla_8851deff-fd92-4bbc-9cbc-e02c71cebf6a

mtraub · ‎05-05-2011

@GrowingUpWild: That seems as clear as it's going to get! Perhaps also include it in your message to buyer if you don't already?

@FeltByGina: I see what you're saying about some of your listings being a bit wordy, I think the key here is to go back in and edit for redundancy. I often see long strings of adjectives in Etsy descriptions, which can be overwhelming and confusing. For instance, with this item: http://www.etsy.com/listing/73387463 . Notice how many times you mention "wool," "merino," and the colors, as well as describing the ruffles as both "waving" and "undulating." I really like what you've done in your second paragraph on this listing: http://www.etsy.com/listing/71619413 . I think creating a scene is an effective way of describing the item indirectly.

@efinegifts, dementedsnowflake: We're uploading the talk to the web, I'll pop back in here with a link (and add it to the original blog post) once it's up.

@WhimsicalWinston: Honestly, SEO is not my expertise. I recommend checking out other Etsy Success threads about SEO: http://www.etsy.com/teams/5002/etsy-success/discuss/search?search_query=seo&search_type=titles

And the blog posts on SEO: http://www.etsy.com/storque/search/title/seo/

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mtraub · ‎05-10-2011

Catching up here, and loving everyone's feedback!

@scrubhatstore: I think your attention to detail is great, but I do wonder whether all of these are necessary. Washing instructions, for instance, I think can be included in the shipped item itself. I'd love to get to the third paragraph where you talk about your son and his coworkers sooner!

@sacredsuds: What a great profile! I love this bit: "soapcrafting manages to pull together my scientific background, my love for recipes, my passion for the magic of the earth, and my deep desire to bring beauty into the world." I think you do a wonderful job of organically integrating your inspiration into your description of your process.

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mtraub · ‎05-10-2011

@JuJuBeads: I think you have a lot of room to explore in your item descriptions. What do you mean by "the perfect addition to any outfit"? Try throwing out some specific occasions or styles of clothing this bracelet would complement. And while we all enjoy a good sale, I would reconsider capitalizing and using exclamation points on "clearance" and "free shipping" as it can come across a little strong. I always prefer when a seller gives context for their sale, such as "I came back from a trip full of inspiration for new pieces, and I must make room in my studio!"

@magnetiKmania: If I were you, I would cut the first line of your shop announcement, "magnetiKmania is the on-line store for original magnets." I would say very few buyers on Etsy are unaware that they're shopping online, and this is limited space! I would jump right into your second line, but perhaps slightly tweaked for clarity, such as: "Adorn your refrigerator with quotes from your favorite movies and optical illusions that will add a whole new dimension of art to your kitchen."

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mtraub · ‎05-10-2011

@FlourishAndDebonair: Super job on your profile. You manage to exemplify your style in the way you write about it. Starting off with short sentences that are punchy and exciting, immediately make me think "bright" and "fun." You take us through your story of integrating vintage and jewelry with ease, lending an effective cohesion to your shop.

@angel9: I think your item descriptions serve as a great model of how to keep it short, but still convey a bit of personality. You give me some great ideas of how to use the items, and use just the right amount of exclamation points. Too many more and it might come across as overly peppy, but in these cases, you're right, those polka-dotted buttons *are* awesome!

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mtraub · ‎05-10-2011

@MilaKein: Ah, just reading your profile has made me feel more serene. I agree with FlourishAndDebonair, that line about creating in the morning is a lovely one. I can totally see the mixture of inspiration you talk about in your work, such a sweet blend of nature and folk illustrations.

@CMBDisplayDesigns: This is a rad fist draft. You've brainstormed some great content, and now I think it's a question of going back in and editing out the redundant parts so each line is more powerful. I would edit it to be:

I love my grandmother's jewelry, evening bags, and clothes (some of which I've taken apart and re-sewn to update) so much that they inspire me to live a little more beautifully. To enjoy the details. To look at the pattern raindrops make on the window during a storm and marvel at their beauty. To listen to my kids' laughter and soak in the moment.

I am not above shopping at chain stores or buying mass-produced goods. I live in a small town in Ohio full of strip malls, and sometimes, I find things I love there. But I created a corkboard to display my grandmother's jewelry that I had been keeping in a box, and every time I walk by it, it makes me happy.

I want you to feel that way about the corkboards and push pins I've made. I want you to create your own display that brings you happiness because you're surrounded by things you love in your home. Remember the days when people had cocktail parties and ballroom dances, just because? When ladies wore dresses and heels, because they make you feel pretty?

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GrowingUpWild · ‎05-05-2011

Thank you for the workshop last night! I was in dire need of some writing improvements. I am at a loss for how to word size requests in my listings. I have about 1/7th of my orders placed without the buyer indicating a size which slows everything down. Here as an example of how I currently have it worded:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/73511388/ladybugs-and-daisy-crib-shoes-in-aqua

I'd appreciate any feedback on how to make it more clear!

Former_Member · ‎05-05-2011

I think I'm probably a bit wordy and inconsistent in my writing.

I didn't see anything unclear about the shoe description above, though. :o)

efinegifts · ‎05-05-2011

Is there any way to get a link to the writing workship. We were unable to tune in or attend?

Former_Member · ‎05-05-2011

I like the suggestions about capturing your customers attention. I was unsure how some of the examples worked for adding keywords for SEO?

Former_Member · ‎05-05-2011

Like Efi, would love a link or info about the workshop as I was unable to tune in . . . :)

ScrubHatStore · ‎05-05-2011

I was very clear to me. Some customers are ??? You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink!

mtraub · ‎05-05-2011

@GrowingUpWild: That seems as clear as it's going to get! Perhaps also include it in your message to buyer if you don't already?

@FeltByGina: I see what you're saying about some of your listings being a bit wordy, I think the key here is to go back in and edit for redundancy. I often see long strings of adjectives in Etsy descriptions, which can be overwhelming and confusing. For instance, with this item: http://www.etsy.com/listing/73387463 . Notice how many times you mention "wool," "merino," and the colors, as well as describing the ruffles as both "waving" and "undulating." I really like what you've done in your second paragraph on this listing: http://www.etsy.com/listing/71619413 . I think creating a scene is an effective way of describing the item indirectly.

@efinegifts, dementedsnowflake: We're uploading the talk to the web, I'll pop back in here with a link (and add it to the original blog post) once it's up.

@WhimsicalWinston: Honestly, SEO is not my expertise. I recommend checking out other Etsy Success threads about SEO: http://www.etsy.com/teams/5002/etsy-success/discuss/search?search_query=seo&search_type=titles

And the blog posts on SEO: http://www.etsy.com/storque/search/title/seo/

ScrubHatStore · ‎05-05-2011

I really struggle with my descriptions. Are they too wordy? Is it ok to use the same one for the same style hat or should they all be different? This is the one I redid after your great workshop. Suggestions please.
59731181

ScrubHatStore · ‎05-05-2011

opps here is the link..I hope
http://www.etsy.com/listing/59731181/mens-or-unisex-patriotic-stars-and

Former_Member · ‎05-07-2011

@scrubhatstore I think your description is fantastic, personally. I'm a detail oriented person, and when I'm buying something, I want to know the details to be able to compare it to other similar items. You give pertinent details, how it's unique and better (velcro vs. ties), measurements, and a brief story behind the inspiration for the hat, which give it your own personal touch. I don't know what it looked like before, but I think it looks great now!

Former_Member · ‎05-07-2011

First off - thank you Michelle for a fantastic workshop! I still have a lot of improvements to make in my writing, and you have totally inspired me. For Michelle or anyone else who would care to comment, I reworked my profile a little bit after the workshop and would love some feedback on it. Specifically I'm wondering:

1) Is it too long?
2) Do you get a sense of "character" from it? (I LOVED that bit in the workshop about pulling a line from dialogue and being able to identify the character who said it, even out of context)
3) Do you get a sense of the essence of my shop and of myself from it?

Thanks!

http://www.etsy.com/people/sacredsuds

Former_Member · ‎05-07-2011

Hi Michelle,

I was at the workshop, too. Thanks for lots of valuable information. I haven't had a chance to re-word my "cliche's" and item descriptions, but plan on getting to it after the weekend. Lots of Mother's Day celebrations for the next couple of days! Anyway, if you get a chance to look over my shop, I'd be THRILLED to have your input. I'm trying desperately to be objective & understand why I haven't made a sale yet. It's starting to give me a COMPLEX!!! :-p Thank you, Michelle.

ScrubHatStore · ‎05-07-2011

scaredsuds, I like your profile. Very informative and interesting. It kept me reading until the end. I did not think it was too long. I could sense your passion for your craft.

Former_Member · ‎05-07-2011

thank you so much for the feedback, scrubhatstore! Especially the part about reading all the way to the end - I never know if having to click the "read more" thing is a turnoff for people. I really appreciate it :-)

Former_Member · ‎05-07-2011

Looking forward to that link too, also unable to tune in!!

ScrubHatStore · ‎05-08-2011

sacredsuds, I forgot to thank you for you feedback. :) Reading your new profile made me want to immediately and in my haste I forgot to give you my thanks. I just finished it. What do you think? Suggestions please?

Former_Member · ‎05-08-2011

sacredsuds - I liked your profile, too. I definitely came away feeling I knew more about you without it being too personal, you clearly have a lot of enthusiasm for your craft and want to be informative about your product (which you do without being boring). I think it's a good length and like the link back to your shop for those who only want the info in the first para.

GrowingUpWild · ‎05-08-2011

Thank you Michelle! I updated my message to buyer to include that. I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner!

Former_Member · ‎05-08-2011

A sincere thank you to Michelle. I just watched your workshop online and I am full of ideas now. People like you make the Etsy world go round!

Former_Member · ‎05-08-2011

I'm working on my shop announce right now because it was full of cliches!

But feel free to pass through my shop, as english is my second language writing descriptions is hard. They usually end up pretty similar and with no different adjectives or adverbs, etc

The workshop was a really great idea!

Former_Member · ‎05-08-2011

@FeltByGina - thank you so much for your feedback! I really appreciate you taking the time to read my profile and post here :-) Thank you!

@scrubhatstore - I think your profile looks great! I don't think this sentence at the beginning is necessary - "The following is some information about me and how the Scrub Hat Store came to be." I think you can just dive right in with the story, so it would look like this: "Thank you for stopping by the Scrub Hat Store. I started making scrub hats for one of my sons, a Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist. He likes to wear distinctive hats..."

I like the personal touches you've thrown in, and I like that you put the story of your product first. Interested readers can keep reading to learn more about you as a person. Well done!

ScrubHatStore · ‎05-08-2011

Thank you sacredsuds. I agree with your idea to eliminate the beginning sentence, now that I go back and read it. I wil make that change. If anyone else would like to add something, please do. Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers on Etsy.

Former_Member · ‎05-08-2011

@ scrubhatstore: I found your profile very engaging and I liked the way you slipped your marketing info about velcro being better into your back story . It doesn't feel like advertising there. I think yur hats are great, even though I have no need for one, or even to buy one as a gift. I'll have to keep an eye out for a recipient. :o)

ScrubHatStore · ‎05-08-2011

@FeltByGina: Thank you for your input. It is really appreciated. Writing is NOT my thing. I like your store and will keep it in mind.