Working with and despite your disorders

[Former_Member]

I normally don't share anything too personal in the discussions here, but right now I feel like a little peer support might come in hand.

There probably is a lot of people who live their lives with a disorder of some sort and manage to maintain a successful business despite or maybe due to their ailment. I'd like to know what keeps you people going? Would love to hear your stories. (And by successful business I don't necessarily mean a lot of sales or a lot of money, success in my opinion is subjective, determined by ourselves, what satisfies me is to me a success.)

I myself suffer from panic and anxiety disorders which at times take hold of my otherwise bubbly and happy personality. I sink into a passive state of misery and anxiety and find I have no energy, will or interest to perform even the smallest of tasks. My craft gives me immense satisfaction and even on those days when I don't manage to do anything else, my craft gives me a sense of still being me. I don't know how to quite put it into words, but it feels like I've lost myself at times and not recognizing myself, but my craft, even thinking of it if I can't muster the energy to crate anything, gives me the feeling that there is a still bit of me in this vessel I am that otherwise feels empty.

I've tried coping on my own, but have recently learned that opening up, as scary as it is, can be a road to recovery or at least sharing the load might help me get through another difficult week. So if there's anyone out there reading this feeling something similar, hang in there, you are NOT the only one.

Ps. if anyone wants to discuss this in private, please convo. I'd be happy to listen or help if anyone wants to share something.

[courtanai]

I know exactly where you're coming from. I struggled with anxiety and depression, pretty much shut myself down last year. Being on etsy and crafting has helped me out so much. I have something to look forward to now. I didn't seek medical treatment until I went on vacation and realized all my clothes didn't fit anymore. I had dropped down to a dangerously low weight and I had ignored it. But with an understanding doctor, a little medication, an crafting, I'm getting back to where I should be. Now when I start thinking about having a panic attack, I tell myself "I don't do that anymore" and it helps me function a little better.

Hang in there, it'll get better! It has taken me a year to even begin to see my old self again. Sometimes I catch myself laughing at something and I'm shocked by the sound of it, it's been that long since I was happy. But I'm bound and determined I will not let this beat me or control my life anymore.

[Former_Member]

May I ask, how did being on Etsy help you? I know I enjoy the crafting part, but at times find all the promoting that goes with being on Etsy extremely troublesome, that's the part that suffers the most when I'm down.

Glad to hear you're better, these things can be managed and overcome, of that I'm sure.

I've found meditating and talking to friends extremely helpful. Would recommend meditation to anyone suffering from anxiety, emptying your mind from that pointless monologue of self-blame in your mind is truly cleansing and refreshing!

[courtanai]

While it drives me crazy sometimes, the drive to make my shop successful keeps my mind off of a lot of things. I feel like I need to be working on my shop, not laying in bed feeling sorry for myself.

I'll have to try meditation again. When I tried it before, I think I was way down and couldn't turn my brain off enough. Now that I'm a little better, I think it might work.

[SheEarth]

hello Sini,
i don't mean to sprooke other teams however have you considered joining the Createability Team. we are members it is a team for people who are carers of or/and have disabilities themselves. just a suggestion as your post is actually the purpose of the team.
My family and I all have some sort of disability from sight to intellectual, physical and even behavioral (hell I can't see blue, etsy can be really fun to use) and well our Createability team mates have been quite helpful when we have felt crappy. So you may want to consider joining, whilst it is not made public knowledge what your 'tick' is we all have something and are the only ones who REALLY know what it is like.

This is more related to this post though:
I had success in helping someone else in a thread about a month ago due to a post of YOURS in a different thread. i have a very good memory so remember Your information about where to find if you have made the front page of etsy so was able to help someone else due to YOUR info. I credited you with the info in the post and the person was very Thankful.
Joint success???

Good lucky - i hope you feel less crappy :)

[Former_Member]

I was diagnosed with manic depression (bipolar) disorder in 1994. Since then, holding down an actual 9 - 5 job has been nearly impossible because it seems that stresses trigger symptoms. I've been on a number of different medications and found that most of them left me feeling either like a zombie or a live wire. I've always crafted and created and then, finding Etsy was such a relief. Not only did I have a reason to craft and create, but I could contribute to my family's well being and income without having to go through the painful disappointment of finding and loosing yet another job.

I can set my own hours. If I'm going through periods of mania (which I hven't done for some time now) then at least I'm creating something that will pay off and if I'm in a slump and suffering depression, I've got a quiet escape that doesn't hurt me or my family.

The thing I like most about all of this though is that for the first time in a long time, the customers I come in contact with do not judge me on my mental disorder. They judge me on my creativity and my intelligence, my customer service skills and my personality. In an online arena those aspects of me shine. In real life, all too often, I've been looked upon with pitty, or disdain, once my mental disorder comes to light.

[Former_Member]

SheEarth Crystals & Creations - I will definitely look into the group you mentioned. I'm not sure I want to commit to a group that focuses on the different problems we have, I normally just want to act normal and not speak of my disorders, not sure if I'm ready for too much sharing. But it could be a group I can turn to when I feel I really need it, your help is much appreciated! I don't know why, but it touched my heart to hear you found help in a thread I was in, thanks for sharing that <3

Cherise Carter-Smoot
I am very happy for you finding Etsy to help you. I have a bipolar family member, and it can break ones heart to see a person struggle with that if they don't have a sense of purpose in their life. They too have had different medications and seeing them turning into a stranger due to something that is supposed to make them feel better makes you feel helpless beyond description. I'm glad you have found a way to turn bipolarity into something that can serve you on some level and hope from the bottom of my heart you get to the point your medication actually supports you if you are not there yet. Thank you for sharing!

[Former_Member]

I won't go on and on I promise. I have rheumatoid arthritis. I have suffere with it since I was 19 years old. Now as a result of years of illness I have degenerative joint disease in my spine. Since 2004 I have had 9 knee surgeries (after a fall painting a mural) back surgery to reconstruct my lower back and 3 surgeries on a nerve in my face ( neuropathy is part of the disease.)

I get up most days and make it my business to push through. I find that if I lay around I am in more pain and frankly once I get into a project I find I forget what hurts at least for a while.

[Former_Member]

And let me say, there has been a storm pushing through new jersey since yesterday morning. Yesterday I slept about 20 hours. Couldn't even hold up my head. This morning I am up but in terrible pain and probably won't last long. On days like this I give in and sleep and rest as I need to. Fatigue is the worst part of RA and most people don't know about this part of it.

I am going to list a new candle holder today and start a new painting ( well I'm gonna try.) I also don't beat myself up if I don't get anything done on these days.

[JeannieGrayKnits]

I have PMDD which is PMS with extra-strength depression thrown in just for fun. Except that in reality, the "depression" part of it makes me swing wildly from laying on the floor in a ball crying to raging anger where I'd like to harm anyone & everyone that I come in contact with. My husband says the DD part of it stands for Demonic Disorder. LOL Over the years, I've found that exercise & diet help much more than medication, although I have to admit, it is SO much easier to just take a pill. Luckily, the symptoms only last for 2 or 3 days a month, but they are rough days. The biggest affect it has on me & my Etsy life is that I tend to step away & disappear for a couple of days. I don't create, I don't list anything, & I try very hard not to socialize, mainly because you could say good morning to me & I"d bite your head off for absolutely no reason. I'm aware that I don't make sane, rational decisions so I try to stay curled up with a good book during those days. Everyone involved is much safer that way. LOL

I also come from a long line of alcoholics on both sides of my family. Luckily, I don't have a problem with alcohol, but I do tend to be a bit obsessive/compulsive about things. Not the "normal" things like hand washing or checking the door locks... Not the kinds of things I could report to a doctor & get help for. Instead, I'll stay up for 36 hours straight crafting. Or reading. Or I'll spend days obsessively Googling ways to be more organized or to get more work done more efficiently, all the while knowing in the back of my mind that if I simply stopped Googling, I could get things done. Honestly, I'm not sure if this behavior is a benefit or a curse. On the good side, I'm focused & can accomplish a great deal, but on the other hand, I only accomplish what I'm focused on.

As far as how Etsy has helped me, it does give me something to focus on. Sometimes I am able to craft through the depression. And sometimes, I get a sale during the depression which instantly makes me feel better. Etsy has been a huge confidence booster actually and that is always a good thing. It also helps me justify the 36 hour craft binges. Which may or may not be so good. LOL

Good luck to all of us with surviving our quirks. Oh, and SheEarth - thanks for the giggle. Can't imagine trying to "do" Etsy & not being able to see blue. I'm not sure why that made me laugh, but it did. Maybe because my dad was color blind & I instantly recalled some of his funnier troubles.

[Former_Member]

Yup, the comment of being on Etsy without being able to see blue gave me a hearty smile too. Made me think of the time I accidentally brought my one eyed father to see a 3D movie :D

[JeannieGrayKnits]

LOL, I once wore one blue shoe & one black shoe to a job interview. Maybe I don't see color as well as I think I do. :)

[Former_Member]

Reading all of your post solidifies my thought that everyone is dealing with something of significance to them. I have a pretty great life, but alas, suffer from depression and anxiety on a minimal basis. I'm on of those "happy, chipper" people, so many people have no idea because they don't look passed the smiles. For some reason, many of my friends come to me for advice (I think i'm just a good listener). One thing that I am always telling people is to look deeper. Many people seem perfect on the outside, but the truth is they are probably struggling as well.

I did an internship at a group therapy center once, it blew my mind. Before, I never knew what kind of effect the group dynamic helping people becomes successful. We would joke that the clients helped eachother more than the counsilors do, and it was true.

Did you know reasearch has been done on the link between creative people and depression? This is not the original link I read, but here is an example:
http://articles.cnn.com/2008-10-07/health/creativity.depression_1_bipolar-disorder-mental-illness-cr...

I'm not saying that being creative gives you an excuse to be depressed, but it gives you a better idea of why feel bad sometimes.

What has Etsy done for me?
It's done more than I ever thought it would. I love making feather fascinators because it's fun, and I love creating things. Its a great feeling when I can take a pile on non-sense and turn it into something amazing. Browsing through other stores gives me so much inspiration. It makes me want to paint more, crochet more, and sew more! When someone buys my fascinator, I really get the highest feeling of happiness. Knowing that someone is choosing my design to wear to an event that is important to them is the best compliment to me. When I get e-mail complimenting my work, or extra hearts, I also feel super happy. These are all feelings I would not be getting if I just put them all in a box and waited for a craft fair.

Alright, i'm rambling now. Time to cut this short. The most important thing when you are feeling down is to reach out. Family, friends, fellow etsians, whoever. As I said above, many people don't look passed the smiles to see what is really going one, and they wont know you are struggling until you let them in.

[Former_Member]

Way too chilly for an art fair now, but I find that doing local events to sell my work helps me with my depression.

It was certainly frightening the first go round. But today I enjoy the interaction with customers and its helped me come out of my seclusion.

Baby steps with this process. It builds your confidence and encourages you to trust your instincts. I was living as a recluse for fifteen years before doing my first show.

[MythOfTheWild]

Have you joined the Createability Team? I'm a member, as I'm a carer for my mother who has MS, and I've just started interviewing people about this exact topic on my blog, peachesandpebblesweekly.blogspot.com


http://www.etsy.com/teams/5732/createability-team

[springdreamer]

I think that women tend to seek other women for personal problems and I love it!!!! - Listen, I have had anxiety disorder since I was 16 yrs. old and it didn't have a name yet!!!! - I remember stumbling on an article in a magazine when I was in my 30's and it sounded just like me - so I diagnosed myself!!!
I started attending a program called "Terratorial Apprehension" or something like that and was stunned to hear that some people hadn't left their houses for years!!!! - I always say that as a single parent, I white knuckled my way through life.........isn't it strange that when women have children, we find that we can do things for their benefit that perhaps we couldn't do for ourselves.
So fast forward and I decided this year was going to be my year. I wanted to do something that I have loved to do all my life not just make a living in the traditional way.
So here I am and yes, I am always a work in progress (as is my new shop) but I have always thought that I had great ideas and feel challenged to create the item that sparked my imagination to begin with. Please do not look at my shop right now............I deleted alot of Christmas items and it is very pathetic looking at the moment. I have been taking new photos, trying to figure out shipping etc..........I think that my brother said it best "you are never too old to be who you expected to be"!!!! I'm sure that he didn't make up that quote but it is inspirational to me................
We are all to be congratulated for getting out there and not letting our problems stop us from sharing our talents and our feelings! Go Women and for that matter any individual who steps up to the plate and shares their feelings with another.
Please give yourselves credit for attempting a new venture and for opening up with others.............we are all human and we all have one challenge or another.............
All the best,
Susan

[Former_Member]

I found this thread very refreshing so I decided to jump in and share (the brief version of) my story too. I was diagnosed with Narcolepsy in 2003, my sophomore year of high school. Long story short, I could not stay awake to save my life, or to learn anything in school. At home I would spend hours trying to stay awake long enough to teach myself something, anything from my text books. I socially withdrew because of one of my symptoms called Cataplexy-- if I laughed, got angry, anything emotion related, I would lose muscle tone and collapse physically. So I decided that feeling emotions was overrated.

It took me 7 years to find a medication that helped, but I'm thrilled to say that it helps enough that I can actually accomplish things now! I am so thankful for Etsy (as many of you have said) because it creates an opportunity for those of us who just can't do the office, 9-5 thing.

Thanks Sini for having the courage to bring up this topic, you are 100% correct that sharing our stories = freedom. I truly believe that's one reason why God allows these trials in our lives, so we can tell that story and heal ourselves and others in the process. Thanks also to everyone who shared, it was a blessing to read each of your stories. -^_^-

[Former_Member]

I think your items are beautiful! Love your shop. It must give you lots of satisfaction to complete those. I know how crafting can give you so much satisfaction, and I'm so happy with myself that I did something right years ago by teaching myself to crochet - love it. Wish I could knit too. Anyway with crochet I can just be so happy and content. By the way... social anxiety phobia for me, which I'm happy to say is much better than it used to be.

[Former_Member]

From the bottom of my heart a sincere thanks to all of you brave women opening up! After struggling for long in silence I am glad I used this media too to reach out to people, reading your stories makes me feel less isolated, less like an outsider in a (seemingly) perfectly organized world. I am touched. I am not alone.

[Former_Member]

Although I do not suffer any disabilities, my late husband suffered from panic attacks. From someone who is not familiar with this I was not understanding the full extent of this disorder, however, what helped my husband was reading the Bible. The scriptures were very soothing for him and after that he never suffered again. As you pointed out other forms such as meditation can help as well.
There may be others who read this discussion thread and learn that the sufferer is not alone, but it does affect family members. A great support system and understanding is important. I think crafting and creating can also help when sufferers are going through some bouts or low points.

[Former_Member]

One key thing when crafting and being on Etsy is to know ones own limits and how they may vary in different periods of life, different circumstances. I for one have not set high targets for my Etsy shop as I want to keep this as something I LOVE to do. Many things give me too much pressure and I find often expectations hard to meet, so I want my craft to remain my escape. I allow myself to be weak and have days and weeks when I don't do anything Etsy and not pressure myself beyond my limits. This way I get to keep Etsy and my craft as a source of happiness, not another task to perform.

[springdreamer]

I totally agree with you, Sini. This past Tuesday, we had weather here in MA of 54 degrees and sun so I took the opportunity to take our dog for a walk on the beach.............highly unusual for this time of year but it was too good to pass up and re-energized me and Chloe too!!!! Seize the moment and go at your own pace...............
Much luck!!!

[SheEarth]

hello Jennie,
Don't worry, my family like to pick blue things up and shake them at me - They think it is Hilarious! (smartarses) There are days where is really annoying but the other day was going into a new shop they had a blue door, Yep walked straight into it, and even I laugh hysterically.
Lucky I have a hard head :)

[SheEarth]

Oh and the pliers I use to make our necklaces with are blue, so I have to feel them very thoroughly to make sure I am holding them the right way before I use them if my mum isn't around. People in our shop or at markets think I'm being creepy with them or something I get a lot of looks - that's always funny!

Oh I have lots of 'Bianca being weird with Blue stories'

Airports are always interesting.... yeah customs people think I am high or something then I have to explain and by the time I finish talking they are so weirded out they are all 'Why are we letting g you in our country?'

[Former_Member]

Etsy got me out of be this morning! I've been struggling with depression for a few years and it got worse this past year when I had to have 2 more back surgeries. The medication I'm taking for chronic pain makes me pretty tired and reluctant to do things. But I had to get up today to take pictures of my items, so I had to get out of bed!

I joined the Chronic Creative team, lots of other people going through the same stuff. It helps to know you're not the only one!