Descriptions updated: Feedback please :-)

[Former_Member]

Hi everyone, following advice I've gathered from various forum posts I'm starting to revamp descriptions to make them more buyer friendly/enticing.
Here is a before and after..... would anyone please be able to look and let me know what you think... anything else I'd need to change before i start work on my many many other listings!
Thanks

(I'm getting modelled photos soon too that'll be much better as well)

OLD DESCRIPTION
https://www.etsy.com/listing/123523399/boys-bib-bib-with-tie-baby-boy-bib-boys

NEW DESCRIPTION
https://www.etsy.com/listing/123522524/baby-boys-bib-with-collar-and-tie-light

[Former_Member]

Your shop looks great. I like the way you redid the listing on the
bib-tie. Gets right to the point on what & who the bib is for.
Lots of luck to you.

[Former_Member]

Its less overwhelming for sure. Not 100% sure if I like the little symbols before each line. but overall a nice improvement!

[Former_Member]

cute little bibs btw

[Former_Member]

Thanks, and I know what you mean about the symbols, I might just do the normal bullet point but thought it looks a bit different this way. If that's all thats wrong it must be generally ok otherwise, think it's time to start ploughing through the listings to change them all!