How do you know you're parenting right?

[AnniebelloPaper]

Parenting is hard. There's no instruction manual and everybody's kid is different so what works for one family doesn't necessarily work for another. Worse still what works for one kid may not work for another in the same family. Sometimes you get a sign that you are doing things right.

Today I came home from my real-world job and found my nearly 17yr old daughter doing her (really hard last year of high school) math studying without having being nagged to do it, while listening to music. Her study soundtrack ... Queen! I'm taking that as a double win!

Anyone else got a story to share ...

[frighten]

That's awesome! How cool that she's listening to Queen. I don't have human children but can imagine how challenging it is, especially the teen years. I know what a PITA I was at that age. 

[BigDogLadysJools]

LOL!  I was a PITA, too, I think it goes with the territory.

My hat is off to the human parents, IMHO being a pet parent is hard enough, I can't imagine doing the other. :)

Best wishes,

[AnniebelloPaper]

We also have two fur kids - not so much different from the two legged variety, they do our heads in too sometimes!

[SignsByDiane]

My kids are now adults...both turned out really well.  Daughter is 33 and son is 30.  He'll be 31 next month...where did the time go?!!  Surely I'm not getting older!!  :)

They are both happy, respectful, healthy and can support themselves!...what more can I ask for?!  My son who is single will come home once a month or so (he's about an hour away) and helps his dad with projects around the house when my husband needs help with moving things etc.   He told us at Christmas that his boss gave him a bigger raise than he expected!...That's always great news!

ETA:  They both listen to decent music too! :)

[AnniebelloPaper]

I'm not only getting older but I'm 'shrinking'. Both mine are taking after their Dad and now even my younger daughter is taller than me - and I'm 'average' height. At least no one borrows my shoes anymore :)

[PosieAndMarmalades]

Hi,

I am questioning being a mum right now, my son turned 13 last year and it's turning out to be the most difficult time so far.

When you first have babies and toddlers it seems really tough some days but a teenager is so testing. There are no perfect parents or children, i think we all just do our best and hope our kids become polite, caring, hard working adults who live a happy life.

I feel I am dealing with it all so wrong some days, my patience is almost non existant and the guilt is awful when i've lost my temper yet again. 

I just enjoy the good times we have when everything is running smoothly and try and remember that my sons hormones are flying about, so are mine (poor husband!!) and also how i felt as a teenager. 

I think it has to be a day by day thing.

[AnniebelloPaper]

Absolutely take it day-by-day. Whatever their age, that's all you can do. Teenagers are 'designed' to test the limits. Parents are there to guide them. Luckily both our girls still talk openly to us thanks to me (in particular) spending a fair bit of time biting my tongue, and walking out of the room so my temper doesn't explode when they first became teens. When we were expecting the first one, we 'wished' for her to have my attitude with Dad's size to back her up. That's what we got and she's going to change the world ... if I survive her teen years to see it!

[designbcb]

I'm gonna pin this just so it doesn't get lost. I think if the question was important enough to ask, you really want to hear the answers.

[AnniebelloPaper]

Thank you lovely. 

[CutiePieSoaps]

I am the mother of two boys, ages 17 and 21.  A lot of parenting can feel like a walk in faith and it's hard to know if you're being an effective parent. But now and then I've had those unexpected moments, big and small, where one of my sons say something, or make a particular choice, or interact with someone else, that really shows me who they are as a person.  Just recently my 17 year old started dating someone new.  We were talking about what she's like and he mentioned that one of the things he really liked about her was her ability to communicate.  !!!!!  How awesome is that?!!!  So, just a little confirmation that I must be doing something right and that he is listening, too.  Small blessings ❤️

[AnniebelloPaper]

We haven't hit the actual 'dating' stage yet. Miss nearly 17's brain power scares the boys at her school but she's got time. I'm sure she'll find a decent man who will appreciate an intelligent long-legged blonde not afraid to speak her mind.

[k2kamath]

I don’t think you ever know if you get it right.  Ours are now all in their 30s.

We like them (as well as love them) as people and enjoying spending time with them. They’re  hard working, kind and compassionate people as are the life partners they have chosen.

In my book, that’s as good as it gets.

[PillowDetails]

It was so. darned. hard.

All those things we heard our parents say - "it's for your own good" "This hurts me more than it hurts you" (not referring to physical punishment) - and "You'll thank me some day" - ALL TRUE!

My two are also happy, healthy, and productive adults.  They both remember one incident of punishment from early childhood ...

Six year old girl is teasing 4 year old little brother - little brother has a favorite "lovey" - his Dee-dee (a clean cloth diaper that he carries everywhere) - just like big sister has her favorite lovey - a stuffed bunny she carries everywhere.

I'm trying to get some gardening done, and Big Sis is threatening to throw Little Bro's Dee-dee up on the garage roof.  She's making him cry, and I warn her not to throw her little brother's Dee-dee up onto the garage roof.  After a few minutes, she throws the Dee-dee onto the *bleepin* garage roof!  Little Brother is crying hysterically!  

I.    Walk.   Over.   There.

"What's wrong, little guy?  Did your sister throw your Dee-dee up onto the garage roof after I told her NOT to?"

* they are both scared now, at my tone.  

My son shakily says yes.  I snatch my daughter's BUNNY and throw it up onto the roof next to the Dee-dee.  (It was a low-sloped roof).  Now daughter starts crying hysterically, and Little bro starts crying even harder.

"Don't worry," I said, "Sister's bunny will get it for you!"

I finished my gardening and made dinner before I retrieved the loveys from the roof.

As adults, my kids tell this to their friends, who all think that was an awesome solution!  Swift and Just.  And memorable!

[MadeWithAltitude]

"I.    Walk.   Over.   There."

Said every annoyed parent, ever!

Too good.

Thanks for the laugh. :)

[AnniebelloPaper]

Classic! 

[CutiePieSoaps]

Hahahahahahaha!!  What a great story!  Seems it made a lasting impression, too 😂

[Teddyrose54]

" Being a good parent is 80% common sense and 20% healthy neglect."

According to my Grandmother, several de11 aides ago. Mine turned out really well. So that must of been sound advice.

[AnniebelloPaper]

Sadly, common sense not so common these days. Too many parents want to be their child's 'friend' and won't make the hard but necessary decisions for fear of losing that 'friendship'. 

[ToyKalapawMi]

this is something I am always thinking about, stressed much esp if they (the kids) start  their finger-busy-ness. I've broken a gadget once, might be doing it again.

yes, I must be a lousy one...

[heidibo2]

Yes, Teddy! 80% common sense and 20% healthy neglect. And really, the 20% healthy neglect is also common sense.

We have 3 daughters, 23, 25 and 30. As much as I held them, sang to them, comforted and praised them, they were never coddled and they always knew there were consequences, good or bad. And they knew the decision was theirs to make. Life was just gonna keep marching on, regardless. I just made sure I was always there to do the comforting if it went bad. I never once told them to do their homework or clean their rooms, but they excelled at school and kept their spaces clean. I still don't really understand that but I take credit for it anyway! :p

My youngest just bought a house, the middle one is a City Planner and the oldest is a Nutritionist. I'm one proud mommy!

Just wanted to add, I did this from the time they were toddlers... teeny humans are more savvy than they look. ;)

[AnniebelloPaper]

Leading by example has helped us. Take that credit.

[MiladysSewingBasket]

As an ex-child the only thing a parent really has to do is take responsibility for their own failings.  Children are made to love their parents and the rubber band of forgiveness stretches wide.  However, blame the kid and its all over red rover.

[AnniebelloPaper]

So true. How can you lay blame on someone when most of what they learn comes from you.

[AnniebelloPaper]

Thanks for all the responses. I 'like' them all - sadly not able to show it individually as Etsy still hasn't given me my 'like' button back. Our technology has been up and down for a while too so only just got back here today to read them. I think as parents we all do what we can to raise our kid right. Everyone might do it a little differently and we've probably all been on the receiving end of undeserved comments on our style of parenting. I find the best way to deal is to thank the speaker for their 'input' and take on only what I think is worth a try. So many well-meaning parents think they know my special kids better than me. It's both tiring and rewarding, and I wouldn't change either of them.