New "About" page, please critique

[HopeAndGracePens]

Based on an Etsy Success article here:
https://www.etsy.com/blog/en/2014/tips-for-crafting-a-killer-about-page/

I sort took a new approach to my About page. I'd really like some critique. Is this hitting the mark? Will this help bring potential clients into my store?

Don't hold back. I'm thick skinned!
Thanks.

https://www.etsy.com/shop/HopeAndGracePens/about

[Former_Member]

Hi Bryce- Thank you for your service.

I've tried to read through a couple of times, but I think it may be too long (at least for me, anyway). It's interesting though, because it's made me wonder if others find mine too long lol. Ahh the About page....a constant work in progress.

[HopeAndGracePens]

Thanks, John. Good feedback.

[MikesPenTurningZ]

I love your site Bryce. Great pens and great story for your site. Thank you for all that you do for us.

God Bless you and yours as you go along in life.

Mike

[HopeAndGracePens]

Thanks, Mike. Keep up your own good work. ;)

[BoardArtistry]

Thank you for your service.

Reading your about page and the blog makes me think I need to revamp ours...