I've had a really, really bad day. Need to vent thread.

[Former_Member]

My 15 yr old stepdaughter, hereafter referred to as SD, is always causing some major drama. I swear I have just about had all I can take. Last night she was picked up by a friend, and was supposed to spend the night with her. Well, around 9:00 pm friends parents are at the front door, wanting to know where there daughter is. Wait for it, you know what's coming next. Friend told parents they were staying here, and they told us they were staying there. And friend's parents just figured out that she stole 2 bottles from the liquor cabinet. Neither child will answer their phone. Fast forward to this morning.....still haven't seen or heard from either of them. I keep telling husband we need to file a missing person's report. He doesn't want to get the police involved. He thinks she will come thru the door any minute.

Nope! By noon I am telling hubs that he better call the police. Told him if he doesn't call, I will. Then we decide to sit down and start calling some of her friends from Facebook to see if anyone knows where she is. No one knows. Hubs finally calls the police about 3:00. Police come to our house to take the report. As we are giving them information, Hub's cell phone rings. Guess what? Another policeman has SD in his patrol car. Wants us to come get her at the station. Police from the house give Hubs an escort to police station.

I stay at home because by now I am a basket case and my son, 14, has a friend over. They finally get back around 4:00. So here's the story we got... .not sure how much is true b/c she is such a liar and can't be trusted. But, SD says they spent the night with some guys in Pearland....65 miles away on the OTHER side of downtown Houston. Driving around with 2 bottles of liquor, probably drinking quite a bit of it. They come home today, and supposedly go to friend's house. Friend's mother drives them to McDonald's and kicks them out of the car and calls the cops on them. HUH? Does this make sense to anyone? Oh, and SD had a bottle of Jim Beam in her purse. Yay! Of course, it was not her fault b/c friend stuffed it in her purse. Then the girls start smart mouthing the cops, and get handcuffed and thrown in the cruiser and get a free ride to jail.

Somehow, SD didn't actually get arrested, just taken to the station and they called Hubs. This is the story I got, though who knows if it is true b/c Hubs has as big a problem telling the truth as SD does.

I am at my freaking wits end. I screamed and yelled at her and told her I can't take her shit anymore. I told Hubs I can't take her living with us anymore. She has lived with us for 4 yrs and it has been nothing but pure hell. I have tried to set boundaries and rules for her and she and Hubs always find a way around them. He literally lets her manipulate him into believing that I am just out to get her, that's why I have these rules. Then he makes me feel like the bad guy, and lets her do whatever the hell she wants to do. I cannot take it anymore. I told him that if I had seen even an inkling of him trying to help me to make her mind us, I might think there was a chance for us. So, now he is saying that they will move out in two weeks. He is not going to send her to live with her Mom. I can either endure 3 more years of hell (until she graduates from H.S.) or I can call it quits.

Have I mentioned that this is the 2nd time that something like this has happened? And I in no way believe that she just happened to get caught the only 2 times she has pulled this crap. I am sure she does it every weekend that she is away, which is most of the time.

Ok, I just had to get that out. I am sorry for such a long rant.

[Former_Member]

PS - my head is killing me and I really needed a drink. I had an old bottle of vodka (I rarely drink) in the pantry but nothing to mix it with, so I just mixed it with red Gatorade. Not bad! Cheers!

[Former_Member]

((hugs)) Sherry. Sounds like dad is treating daughter like a friend instead of a dad.

I don't know what advice to give you. It seems like if he is willing to move out with his daughter in two weeks he has already made up his mind.

[Former_Member]

Wow! I offer a huge hug. I hope how ever this turns out, that it is the right decision for you. She is a disaster and it looks like she always will be. I am sorry.

[SavoyFaire]

(((HUGS))) Don't do anything for her. If you cook dinner she has to earn it as you made it paid for it. Don't do laundry, etc nothing she wants for her she has to earn it. Privately make plans so you can get out if/when you need to. He's chosen her over you and may not go thru with it but I'd call his bluff if need be as you don't need that. Anywhere you can move to?

[Former_Member]

Thanks Dawn and Ewe. I know, my life is just one big cluster you-know-what. I think he is waiting for me to say, "No, don't move out....she can stay here!"

[Former_Member]

Gail - no, I don't have any relatives close by except my daughter, and she and her BF already have a room mate.

I just don't know. 2 BR apartments here are $900+ per month. I have been looking online already. I don't want to move off and make my son have to change schools if I don't have to.

[Former_Member]

Hold your ground. You deserve better. I would do one thing for her (and him): in two weeks from today I would have their bags packed & waiting on the stoop.

[MaggiePainting]

She is playing you against her Dad. Teenage girls, so glad I am done. Setting boundaries is a. Trying to save her life! Teenage brains don't think of consequences of their actions. b. boundaries mean you care. It is sooo difficult and his lack of support is not helping his daughter or your marriage. So sorry, IF he goes......well .....

[Former_Member]

It would be so much easier if your husband was supporting you. I have gone through the same. It sucks. I stuck to my guns with my stepson without much support. He is 16 and has been clean since July 6th.

I can tell you though I know that my stepson wants guidance and boundaries even if he plays little drama queen at times.

I hate to say it and if I cross the line just say so. It is your husband that needs to get his priorities strait. Teenagers do stupid things, it is our job as parents to guide them in the right direction not make it easier for them to get away with things. I told my step son that he is not the one who was failing it was the adults around him failing him. Her father is failing her.

[Former_Member]

Dawn, I know you are right. I have been trying to get that through his thick skull for 4 years. Now I am tired of trying. If you can imagine that Honey Boo Boo child at 15.........that's her! I watched that show once and thought......OMG she act just like Michaela!

[BebeAndKay]

I am so sorry. I am with Rizzi. The only thing I'd do for her is pack. He is calling your bluff. Do not flinch- do what you must for your own sanity and your son, who needs you ;-)

[TheDarkFen]

:o\

ur SD sounds exactly like me in highschool. i acted that way because not a goddamn person cared about me and mother just wanted to send me away. possibly she isn't feeling loved and is acting out. sorry you're at your wits end though.

[ArtandArtisan]

You may want to contact a leader. This is public and searchable.

[Former_Member]

Thanks Jane. If a leader reads this, could you change it to private?

[Former_Member]

We can't change this to private. If you want I can close it and you start the topic in private.

[Former_Member]

I know she feels unloved because her mother abandoned her 4 years a go and moved off to Tennessee. But she has been taking it out on ME ever since. I am not the "bad guy" here. I am the one who has been trying to give her a stable home. I am the one who has fed her and given her a roof over her head. Hubs is disabled. I am the only one who even works in this family. And to be honest, sometimes I can barely afford to feed us.

Hubs told me a little while ago that he can't send her to live with her mom, who now wants her, because she will hate him for the rest of her life. Ok, I get that. But I am no longer willing to live with the constant stress that she puts on me and my son's lives. I still love him but not as much as I did before all of this happened. I can't help but see him as weak because he won't stand up to her. She as much as admitted that she does this kind of thing all the time. He will let her go spend the night with someone on Friday and we don't see her again until Sunday. He supposedly was checking things out with the parents of the girls she goes to stay with, but I don't think he does. And they won't allow me to participate in any of this, as far as discipline.....they just keep doing whatever they want to do.

[BebeAndKay]

Sherry, she will not hate her dad for the rest of her life. She will end up being grateful, if being with her mom is what she needs. It sounds like it is- maybe some healing can take place in their relationship. Her mother certainly needs to be a mother now, even though its a little late, its never TOO late.

[Former_Member]

Yes, Dawn, would you close it?

Had a long talk with hubs. He doesn't really want to leave but doesn't want to send SD to her Mom's. I wrote up a huge list of boundaries and expected behavior from her. We read over it and signed it, then had a discussion with her and had her sign it. I wrote that we would have a 30 day trial period and see how it goes with the new rules. I don't expect that much will change, but maybe.......

[Former_Member]

Closed per request