That is smart not to send until the check has cleared, money order is cashed or payment is in hand or bank account. Just like a normal website, you wont get product unless you have indeed paid.
As far as the credit cards go. I dont even ship until after that 3 days has cleared just to be sure everything has gone through okay.
Did you ask Etsy about the transaction disappearing?? THAT sounds very weird and I have never had anything like that with as many CC payments as I take now.
The negative was uncalled for and something that can really hurt your shop. You can leave feedback on her still cant you? I would explain the situation but the only thing I dont like about the feedbacks is that if it is bogus feedback, theres no spot to defend yourself or give a counter statement. Its just there. Im sure the kiss and makeup wouldnt work on her either which is sad. Maybe Etsy can do something about that, because your numbers are so important on here.
Good luck, so sorry people are so into themselves.
:) :)