BIG Help with Lisiting Description, Critique with constructive comments please - thanks

[JessicaSherriff]

Hi

I have been working hard on Etsy and things are starting to happen so thats a positive 'Keep going' message to all newbies.

My struggle is with the Description for my listings - those of you that are naturally good at 'telling the story' I'm jealous! I am trying to get the balance of the story but still give all the information a buyer needs.

I have spent the morning re working this listing, and would love a critique on mainly the description (obviously if there is anything else missing please don't hesitate to comment) you may find it usefull looking at another item in the shop just to see that slight differences I've made. I just wanted feedback before tweaking all other 100 odd items in the shop ........... Am I on the right path with this is the description too long what could i cut or what am i still missing!!??
https://www.etsy.com/listing/108254317/pink-circle-valentine-earrings-dangle

Big Big thanks in advance
Jessica

[Former_Member]

I would change the title to "Pink Valentine Earrings" because nobody searches for "circle" earrings (I don't think so anyway)

The first photo may be TOO close up

Otherwise amazingly unique piece! The description is thorough and helpful.

[clockworkfantastica]

Hey, I search for "circle", "hoop" and "star" earrings!

Give me a minute Jess, I'll have feedback for you when I glance at the listings.

[clockworkfantastica]

Jess, can you add a link in this thread to the other description that you're comparing it to?

[JessicaSherriff]

Thanks

Ola - Here is an example of another of my descriptions

https://www.etsy.com/listing/110142936/black-silhouette-branches-earrings-blue

Have tweaked the paragraphs and layout in the pink earrings

[clockworkfantastica]

Okay, my suggestions.. There's redundancy in your listing which makes it less fun to read than it should be.

Don't repeat the item title in the first line of the description.
Stop repeating the descriptor "pretty" and "pink"
Tighten up your sentences and remove some of the unnecessary words - I call them "empty" words.
-real or really

Double check spelling and grammar. (Intriguing. Affect)
Do you have a word processor program where you can cut and paste descriptions and run a spell/grammar check to help you out?


I love that you describe how you make them with such a personable tone.
I love the description of them as flowers that "will never wilt".
AMAZING photos!

[clockworkfantastica]

You know, for some reason I like the description for the blue black earrings more than the pink one. It's a lot easier to read and tells me everything I need to know. Thing I would add is line about 'flowers that won't wilt" as a selling point.

Your work is amazing. I can't stop looking at your earrings!

[SandyRubinJewelry]

Hi Jessica! First off, really beautiful pieces.

What I've discovered is think of your information like a pyramid. Most concise on top - most detailed on bottom. The top would be your measurements and other information about your piece, the facts and maybe a couple keywords to keep it from being monotone & to optimize it in searches. Then move towards the who, what, when, where, & why's of your piece. I like that you talk about your process but try to consolidate your information. You want to invite people in slowly.

Also, short, punchy sentences. Separate paragraphs every couple of sentences. Big bulky paragraphs are usually a deterrant. I know I won't read listings that seem too long or detailed.

Hope this helps!!

[clockworkfantastica]

Ooh great suggestions Sandy! I'm taking notes too.

[JessicaSherriff]

Brilliant guys thanks
I am trying to tweak as I read advice!

[AuraRosesTreasures]

These suggestions are great.
Your items are beautiful.

[SandyRubinJewelry]

It's so much easier said than done! I need to update some of mine too! What I do when I'm really stuck and can't get out of my head is talk to couple friends who are good writers/bloggers. Then I pick and choose what I input.

I'd love to see an updated thread on how all your tweaking has worked!!

[StuckOnSilver]

Awesome suggestions! I know my paragraphs are too long so I'm breaking them up!

[Former_Member]

"Black Silhouette Branches Ea"

That's how the title reads for the above photo. That's how it gets cut off under the photo, and that's how search engines will pick it up (first three words).

This is where you need to revise your titles. I just don't think anybody is looking for a black silhouette branch.

[clockworkfantastica]

Janet V. from 7PineDesign says

"Black Silhouette Branches Ea"

That's how the title reads for the above photo. That's how it gets cut off under the photo, and that's how search engines will pick it up (first three words).

This is where you need to revise your titles. I just don't think anybody is looking for a black silhouette branch.
___________________________________

Janet, can you explain that a bit? What do you mean by "cut off under the photo"? Do search engines only pick up the first 30 or so characters?

I didn't know that about the first three words thing.

[JessicaSherriff]

I am aware of the first 3 words of title but I am looking to reach 'Black Silhouette' and 'Silhouette Branches' it seems crazy but 'earrings' is a massive broad term so I am trying to tighten the search. If you look at my shop sometimes the first word is the earrings/ pendant etc, or styles eg modern or shape eg circle etc so I have done that on purpose and they are searched for according to my stats.

Also the first 100 is characters of your description also adds to the search engine hence why i repeat the title re worded as best i can then repeat those phrases in my tags too.

I am consistently tweaking titles but do appreciate the feedback.

[JessicaSherriff]

....Constantly even lol

[JessicaSherriff]

So here we go with a big help from friends the new and hope improved description, tried to take all notes on board.......

What do you think? Any more comments on this description welcome
Thanks

https://www.etsy.com/listing/108254317/pink-valentine-earrings-circle-drop-with

[AttentionGetting]

Hi Jennifer

I wrote a blog post called Examples of Product Copy That Sells.

If I can brag a little, it made the NY Times Small Business Page. I don't believe we can put links in here, but you can get my blog url at my shop or profile page.

One tip, "stud earring" is more searched than "post earring" and stud earrings are a big trend for 2013.

Your pieces are very unique and could easily get in editorial. Personally, that is where I would spend your marketing time.

Good luck.